Stranger Burger - ground beef

Method

• Remove your ground meat (see sources below) from the fridge half an hour in advance.
• Dump the meat in a large bowl. Add one egg and one or two handfuls of panko or bread crumbs (homemade, store-bought, whatever). Kinda dry? Add another egg. Mix together with (clean) bare hands. (Egg adds moisture and acts as a binding agent, while bread crumbs make for less of a gut-bomb and get you more burger for your buck.)
• Add one large minced shallot and at least three cloves of minced garlic. (Optional: a dash or four of soy sauce or Worcestershire.) Throw in a handful of chopped Italian parsley, chives, cilantro, or any fresh herb.
• Season well with salt and freshly ground black pepper, and mix (using clean hands again) until all ingredients are well incorporated. Form into one-inch-thick patties by scooping the meat into your hands and patting into shape. (Resist the urge to fondle too much; this compacts the meat, making for a dry, tough burger.) Make a slight indentation in the center of each patty, because that's what my mom did to prevent "shrinkage." (I have no idea if this is true or not, but it makes you look like you know what you're doing.)